The Third Wheel

For those who don’t know yet, I’m talking about keke napep. Those tricycles that feel like their extra tyre makes them better than my MCM, okada. For some reason, most of the drivers think they can fit into tiny spaces. They are also big fans of sharp turns and sudden stops while on full speed. Always jerking forward like their engines are epileptic. My dad dreads them when he’s driving because they’ve scratched him countless times and they are professionals in begging after they’ve hit you. I’m starting to think that the purchase of a keke comes with a fast and furious manual. But the pathetic thing about them is that their engine is loud at top speed, but their top speed is still quite slowπŸ˜‚. Like a power bike moving with the speed of a bicycle.

But today’s experience isn’t mainly about their reckless driving. It’s about the general anger that everyone seems to have in Lagos, with a touch of hunger maybe.

So, I entered a keke going to Obalende from Adeniji Adele road. A young boy was driving it so I knew that he’d most likely be reckless (I’m not generalizing, just talking from experience). But I didn’t mind because there was some traffic and it’s the reckless ones that manouevre better through the traffic. But the crazy thing about this keke was that he had a conductor. For those who don’t know, it’s not normal or ideal for them to have conductors. He was hanging at the left side of the driver’s seat so I didn’t complain because he wasn’t disturbing me.

In the traffic, the driver kept trying to pass through tight spaces which would normally fit only bikes and nearly hit one Alfa’s car. The man then asked the driver why he was rushing and the driver apologised. Out of nowhere, the conductor just shouted, “Ogbeni kuro nbe!”(leave here). The Alfa got angry and came down from his car and started insulting the conductor. They kept exchanging insults for a while. Being the Ramadan season, the conductor asked him out of the blue, “Oga, you no dey fast? Why you dey do like mumu for here now”. This continuous tease really annoyed the Alfa and he started threatening to beat the conductor up. One of the female passengers started begging the conductor to stop because the Alfa was probably fasting and he’d probably transfer the anger from the hunger on him. Alfa was like:

Mind you, all this drama was happening in the middle of the road so, we were causing extra traffic. One man then came to calm the Alfa down and he actually did. He started walking back to his car when this foolish conductor just shouted, “Wo, ma fun e ni blow”(I’m gonna punch you). This triggered some thing in the Alfa and he ran and punched the conductor. That’s how fight started. This was an old man and he beat the conductor quite well (even though some people held the conductor back), entered his car and drove off.

I was even thinking that the keke driver would go and check on his conductor. Baba drove off even before the conductor could get backπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. Throughout the rest of the journey, the woman who spoke about the Alfa’s hunger earlier kept reminding us of what she said. Kept on talking like:


Nwanz View All →

Drinker with a writing problem.

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