Shitty Experience

This story is a bit more personal because it has some not-so-danfo experiences. I mean, some things happened off the bus. But I felt the story wouldn’t be complete without it.

It was a cool Friday evening and I was on my way home from work. The buses had hiked their fares because apparently, there was traffic ahead. I never understood the point though…we’re paying extra even though we’ll still sit through the traffic. It’s not like you’re passing a longer “no traffic” route. I know you’ll probably say it’s because traffic wastes fuel but stillπŸ™„..

Before we entered the bus, the conductor announced that there was no change and everyone should have their change. But trust Nigerians now, when he was collecting money, everyone was bringing out 500 and 1,000 naira. The conductor was just looking at them like…

As soon as I saw the state of things, I hurriedly looked for someone who had change because I wasn’t ready for any problem. There was this old woman in particular who kept on complaining about the increased price all through the journey. The conductor then said, “na why I no wan make you enter this bus, all the drivers and conductors for this place sabi say you get wahala”. Apparently, the woman was a known troublemaker.

While we were in traffic, the conductor went to a nearby filling station to source for change. The traffic began to ease up and the driver zoomed off, leaving the conductor behind πŸ˜‚. Luckily for the conductor (unluckily for the passengers), there was traffic in front so, the conductor managed to catch up with us. I think he climbed another bus. Even before he could say anything, the driver started insulting him, saying he wished he didn’t even catch up. The funniest part was that he didn’t even get the change. This prompted a “mumu” from the mouth of the driver.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ The poor conductor was so sad and confused.

Meanwhile, the old woman was still complaining, saying that she can’t pay the money. Somehow, she managed to start an argument with one of the passengers. Next thing, she said that she wasn’t going again, that they should drop her and give her her money. Even the other passengers were tired of her. She dropped eventually, thank God.

It was at this point that I became pressed. And I’m not talking about urine, I needed to take a shit. If you like say “eww” πŸ™„. Like it was serious, very serious. It was that kind of shit that you knew that once you go, everything would fall in place (shit wey go make you bellefullπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚).

Anyways, I really had to go. I didn’t know when I said “driver stop I want to come down”. Immediately I dropped, I started looking for any restaurant I could go to since all the banks had closed😩. This was at Apongbon, near CMS by the way. When I couldn’t find any restaurant, I had to start asking for public toilet. I told myself, if I perish, I perish.

I found one under the bridge. As I entered, it was like someone threw a bag of expired catarrh on my face. This public toilet smelled like wet wood soaked in tomato sauce and garnished with spoiled boiled eggs. Honestly, those were the things I smelled. The “janitor” was then showing me around talmbout “choose anyone you like”.πŸ™„

I was just thinking and thinking and thinking if it was really worth it. Because using that toilet was like risking my life. He (the janitor) was even asking if I needed him to stay close by till I finished in case I needed help with anything. I said “like what?” And he replied, “anything”.πŸ₯΄

It was at this point I realised that I didn’t feel like using the toilet again and all I wanted to do was throw up. That’s how my shit turned to vomit. Well, I found a bus and resumed my journey back home. Nothing really happened on the way back other than the fact that the bus I entered seemed like it was using century old furniture. The seats smelled damp and most of them had torn with the foam coming out. I even had to take a photo.

Eww right?

There might have been different species of insects in there but I tried my best not to think about it and focus on good thoughts like how I was going to use the toilet in my house soon😌. Of course I can’t start talking about what happened when I got home.

Have you ever been “pressed” in the bus? Share your experiences in the replies….

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Nwanz View All →

Drinker with a writing problem.

29 Comments Leave a comment

  1. Lol when you’re really pressed to do number 2, nothing else in this life matters to you than to just find a place to let that thing out πŸ˜‚

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  2. FamπŸ˜“πŸ˜“πŸ˜“ when it happens you start thinking of the various ways you could have avoided the scenario in the first place, like β€œwho say make I drink that Pepsi sefβ€πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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  3. I remember one Saturday it hit me in Uber, I was at Ogba. I asked around and people directed me to a bank. The security let me use the toilet… but that was the day my shit decided to be watery… damn I scattered the whole toilet.
    It was too bad… the toilet couldn’t flushπŸ€¦πŸ½β€β™€οΈ
    Am like how do I come out without this people beating me up like this.
    Luckily there was small bucket of water close by na him I begin wash toilet o.πŸ™ˆ

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  4. Guy, everyone can relate…. the scary part is when you come across a speed bump or porthole 😭😭😭😭😭

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  5. Me I needed to pee so bad that it was either in the car or nowhere, I parked at the middle of the street, daytimes o, did what I needed to do n never followed there again

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  6. Imagine if you didn’t give the conductor change and you couldn’t leave the bus to use the toilet.πŸ˜‚
    My last experience was way back when I was a student. I remember the toilet was nasty. When I finished, I wanted to flush and I picked a bucket just to find out it was filled with urine not water!

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