Fire in the Hole

Hi there. I am sure you must be wondering why I haven’t posted in a while. The truth is, I have been avoiding public transport, especially this rainy season. the fear of the unknown has turned me into an introvert lol. But it was quite the experience for me on Friday last week. I entered multiple buses and it was quite the experience.

I went to Unilag to collect my national ID card which, as you might have guessed, I registered for a long time ago. I’m starting to think they don’t want to give it to me. I took a bike from my Mile 2 to Ilasa which meant that we had to ride along the expressway. I don’t know if the man had a death wish because he kept driving dangerously close to tankers. He even managed to scratch my foot on the sharp part of one bus’ boot while attempting to squeeze through vehicles but I was determined to be happy that day so, I kept quiet.

Well, I survived the ride and entered a bus going to Yaba. an old man was driving. old men are usually very irritable and this one was no different. It didn’t even help that the man sitting in front with him was another old man. They got into an argument and the old passenger said that Buhari was the cause of all his problems and the driver replied with, “leave Buhari first, you get sense?”. Laughter erupted in the bus and these men kept on going back and forth. They managed to settle by some miracle and then the driver started telling the story of how he used to work for the police and was sent on spy missions to corporate organizations, especially banks and how he exposed so many secrets he couldn’t tell us because they were ‘confidential’.

I really wanted to believe him though. It was sad because he said he never got paid for his extra work and he was also denied a pension.

I got to Unilag and as you might have guessed, they still didn’t hand the ID card over. They told me to return the following week after nearly losing a foot that morning. I started to make my way back home. I entered a bus back to Yaba. On the bus, there was this guy beside me that I was almost certain that he needed to take a shit. He was sweating, he looked uncomfortable and had that bending over, occasional butt tilting, holding shit posture. I wanted to start singing to calm him down since that works for me but I remembered I have a bad voice so, I just respected myself. He got down before me so, I just hope he got where ever in time.

When I got to Yaba, I entered a bus going to Cele. There’s some sort of construction going on at Yaba so there is this big hole in the ground and the bus was parked just some meters away and the ground was slippery from the rain. People still entered the bus because there was no other one and it took about an hour before the bus got full. Then the driver decided to show his madness. This man actually waited for the bus to get full before he remembered that he had to change his tyre. Let me explain here, any wrong move would lead to the bus tumbling down that hole. The passengers were trying to understand what was going on like:

This man still had the guts to bring out one car jack that looked like the first-ever carjack. All the passengers started to leave the bus, said they were no longer going. Luckily, we found another bus that was ready to go and boarded it.

Just when I thought that the stress was all over, someone farted on the bus. Like spoiled groundnut type of fart. I even started to suspect that it was shit because it smelled throughout the trip. I had a headache when I got down, I think the fart fumes had diffused into my skull. But the most important thing is that I’m alive, right?

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Nwanz View All →

Drinker with a writing problem.

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