I am tired. Honestly, I am. I know my suffering brings good stories but, damn… Lagos has been mean to me. I had this experience last week Friday but I couldn’t post it sooner because I was using the weekend to recover. Also, my birthday was on Monday. Still accepting birthday wishes haha. Well, let me get straight into it.
For those who do not know, on Fridays the traffic is terrible. It is one of, if not the worst day for traffic, especially if you are going from the island to the mainland. The scary part was that traffic had been terrible all week so, Friday was going to be hell. That Friday, to beat the traffic, I planned to use ORide (it’s like Uber, but for motorbikes). Before I left the office, I was supposed to get money from the ATM cause I spent all my money on food but I realized I forgot my card at home and since my ORide account already had enough money, I figured I wouldn’t need to withdraw. BIG MISTAKE. I had about 1k and some change left in my wallet but I figured I wouldn’t need it.
I ordered a ride from my office and waited for about half an hour but I didn’t get any response. Then I was told that I’d get a better response if I went to any major bus stop so, I took a keke to the Eko Hotel bus stop to try and order. The traffic had already started from there which convinced me even more that there was no way I was going to enter any bus. Imagine boarding a bus that is stuck in traffic. I continued placing my order but still wasn’t getting any response from the riders. I wasn’t the only one trying to avoid the traffic so, there were a lot of us who were trying to order without any luck.
A while later, I noticed that about 7 riders were waiting but they all had no orders. Someone then told me that the riders normally turn their apps off so they could work offline so they could charge outrageous prices. The least I got was 4k and it was just for Orile, not even the Festac I was headed for. I started wishing I had borrowed money before I left the office because I didn’t care about the price again. I just wanted to go home. Also, the number of bikers had started to decrease, so I had to act quickly.
It was dark already and I was thinking of going to one ATM to transfer money to anyone who’d help me withdraw, when one guy who was also headed for Festac suggested that we find one local bike (okada) for us to share so we could split the fare. Luckily, we found one who agreed to take us. Let’s just say I should have declined because what followed was suffering.
First of all, I was sitting between the rider and the other guy. Then, the rider said he needed to smoke so, he stopped on the road and bought cigarettes. Man lit the cigarette and hopped back on the bike. Dude was smoking and riding the bike. My face was directly behind his head so, I was inhaling all the smoke. I’m even starting to think I inhaled more smoke than he did because the wind was just blowing everything in my face. The one that burst my head was that when the cigarette started to burn out, he left one hand on the steering and with the other hand, used the old cigarette to light the new one.
Let me not even talk about my balls that were having worse breathing problems than I was. I was sandwiched between two dudes like cold chicken inside old bread. Don’t bother imagining it, it isn’t nice. Also, the bike had issues so, it stopped sometimes and kickstarting it always ended up on him landing on my privates. We were already in the middle of the express so, it was too late to back out because I wanted to get down.
There was even a time that the bike turned off in front of a moving tanker and all I know is that I’m still alive. The traffic was as terrible as I thought and the guy with me left his car at home because he knew it would be that bad. At one point, I started to think that the rider was high. I understood that the roads were tight and there were more bikes on the road than usual, but, someone overtook us dangerously and the next thing I heard from the rider was, “I go do you back” and he started chasing the other guy. We had to beg him to stop because even if I was dying on the bike, I didn’t intend to die that night.
We finally got to Orile, in one piece by the way, maybe except for my balls tbh. Buses were scarce too because of the traffic and they refused to go to places that required cheap fares. Well, I boarded a bus going towards First Gate. I tried to use that opportunity to catch my breath when the driver stopped halfway and said he wasn’t going again and that everyone should come down. It was like a film trick. Passengers really thought he was joking but he actually turned the bus off and got out.
I was too tired to argue and staying in one spot for too long when it’s dark was not exactly safe. Normally I would have waited to see if the passengers would fight the driver but, man, I was too weak to do amebo. I just found one bike and took it straight home.
Got home and my siblings were asking how my day went. KMT.
Drinker with a writing problem.