Coal City Trips

Hey there, Happy New Year. Hope you had a Detty December lol. Last year was good yunno, with you listening to all my public Transportation rants and letting me know that you care😂. But you should know I’m buying my helicopter this year so you people should enjoy my stories while they are still here.

I traveled to my village this Christmas. I am from Ozom Mgbagbu-Owa in Ezeagu LGA of Enugu state. It has been three years since I traveled so, I was pretty much excited (or was I?). Well, I had to go because I had events to attend but I’m not here to tell you about my time in the village except if you want to hear about it. I want to tell you about my first experience in Enugu Public Transport.

This was actually second time entering public transport in Enugu but, the first time was a breeze so, I’m going to take this as my first real experience. I was kind of looking forward to it because my friend that stays in Enugu has told me that they have much less madness than we have here in Lagos and even much less traffic so, I too wanted to experience the “good life”. But after what happened, I’m starting to think I’m cursed with bad transport experiences.

I was leaving my village for Enugu city that day to stay at a friend’s place and I boarded a bus. Man, the buses in Enugu are small and cramped. They look like taxis that added a little weight. Smaller than Lagos danfo buses (Lagos 1 – Enugu 0), I honestly thought that we were gonna be seated three in a row. Even when the driver said four, I thought he was joking but it happened before my eyes and at the expense of my thighs.

Enugu’s “danfo”

The driver told me my fare was 400 naira but that I’d pay 500 naira because of the small box I was carrying. I jokingly told him I’d lap the box and he refused. I paid him. Moments later, he came to ask me if I could lap the box even after collecting money for it. The look I gave him was enough to send him back. Well, we started to move. This man would stop after every 10 metres to look for passengers. We got to a particular bus stop where it seemed like the people who wanted to get on the bus just started bathing when they stopped the bus because we spent almost 30 minutes waiting for them to come out with their load. Even after they boarded, they started arguing fare prices with the driver (yeah, no conductor). They eventually settled and we started moving.

From there everything was going smoothly (Enugu has really good roads btw, especially my village ☻ ) until the driver just stopped the bus in the middle of nowhere. Like on our left and right, there were just tall grasses and no one was on the road. I thought he was gonna leave us there to be robbed. This man got down and announced that he wanted to take a shit and that his belly had been disturbing him since. We had no option than to wait for him to relieve himself which he didn’t waste time doing thank God. And we were back on the road.

The last person to board was a woman carrying 3 children who looked like she just got back from the market. She planned to pay for one seat for herself and the three children. I know you might have forgotten but, remember how I said the bus was tight? And now she wanted to add three floating passengers to the sardine settings. Fortunately for her (or as she’d hoped), some passengers volunteered to carry the kids. When the last kid was boarding, he accidentally dropped her market bag and some things spilled out and she served this boy a resounding slap. The passengers didn’t like it and told her that she was wrong for that. Someone helped her to pack her bag and we started moving again.

After we had moved a little distance, this woman told the driver to stop and that her mind was telling her that she might have not carried everything that spilled from the bag. Everyone started asking her why she didn’t do it before the bus moved and she started to beg. The driver stopped and she ran back to check if she left anything behind. She was taking so much time that the driver was about to leave her and zoom off when someone shouted, “her kids are still in the bus o”.😭😭. So, we had to wait.

She came back without finding anything and started sharing apologies. Telling us about how her spirit told her to go back and check. One angry man just said, “My dear, we don’t care. Get in the bus.” Actually, the angry man was me, and I said that in my mind.🤣

This driver was very rough. It was like he was looking for any pothole he could find so he’d enter it. He was also a stubborn old man who loved to argue. Apparently, he followed a different route to Enugu so, he missed a bus stop where one lady planned to get off so, he decided to drop her somewhere else he felt she could link to her destination. This lady refused because that route meant she had to cross the bridge with her little son and she was also carrying a bag of plantain and another bag of garri. She said she wasn’t going to get down until he took her to where she would get a bus immediately. The driver kept on arguing that he took the correct route but all the passengers were against him. I was just minding my business because what/where do I even know?

He eventually agreed to drop her somewhere better and she got off and another argument started. She wanted him to admit he was wrong and he kept arguing that he was right. The driver then said that if he wasn’t right, that God should not allow him to wake up the next day but if he was, that she wouldn’t wake up. The lady got fired up and started laying curses on the old man and carried sand from the ground to swear. She threw the sand on the bus and part of it landed on me. Instead of me to get angry, I started wondering if any curse had been placed on me. I started looking at the woman like…

We eventually left the woman there and started moving again when this driver stopped the bus AGAIN to go and take a shit. The passengers were too tired to be angry. Some of them were even pitying him cause he looked like he was going to cry. This shit took more time than the last one but my own concern was that he used banana leaves to clean his ass and he obviously didn’t wash them after so, what if he touched me by mistake? Is he the one that will carry my bag down from the bus? Just concerned thoughts really.

He came back and started blaming it on the soup he ate at the party he went to the night before. After there, we didn’t have any other issues till we got to the final stop. I made sure I carried my box myself before poopoo hands would be on it and I left before another argument would begin.

But I’ll say this, zero traffic, better roads than Lagos. Maybe I just encountered the wrong driver. So, Lagos 1 – 2 Enugu. I’m so proud😥. Have you been to Enugu before? Or do you have any experience in other states (except Abuja please).

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Nwanz View All →

Drinker with a writing problem.

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