Not Your Regular Rainfall

Hey guys, sorry I haven’t been posting as much as I used to. It’s just that I have been getting a lot of free rides from my colleagues lately😂. One of them even lives near me so, life is good. I haven’t been entering public transport as usual. But even at that, the traffic has reduced a bit these days though and maybe people haven’t picked up their madness where they left it last year.

On Monday, I had someplace to go so, I couldn’t wait for the free ride and I had to leave earlier. I decided to eat first because I had no idea how the traffic would be and I hadn’t had any breakfast. On my way to the restaurant, there was one keke napep parked along the road and just as I was trying to go around it, one woman brought her face out of the door and I just knew a sneeze was coming but it was too late to dodge it. You know that slow motion “nooooooooooooooooo” that you say in your head? Yeah, I experienced it in the worst way. When the sneeze was coming, I was just looking at her like…

You know the way you sneeze when you’re alone, maybe like in your room, with your whole mouth and nose open? Yeah, she did that. Cause she wasn’t expecting anyone to pass. With the amount of spit (and maybe catarrh) that she dumped on me, if she had coronavirus, I’d have died on the spot😭. Even when I tried to eat, I couldn’t. The chicken skin was looking like catarrh to me. That was the first rain that fell.

Well, I went to enter a bus home cause I didn’t feel like going out again. Entered one of those buses where people sit 5 in a row and are usually madly cramped. Even at that, market women overloaded the bus with goods. The trunk of the bus was even wide open with goods tied around it. On my row, there was this old woman that was lapping a sack that was probably bigger than a bag of rice and it was taking extra space which made our row tight. The conductor got angry and was shouting at the woman to carry her sack well. You know I said “not your regular rainfall?” This was a thunderstorm.

“Madam I say make you carry your load well!”

This conductor started shouting at the top of his voice at the woman who was yelling back (this was the thunder). The rain was the spit that was just falling down his mouth which was so much I thought it was on purpose. And the lightning was probably the light you’d see after his breath sends you to God😭. Bruh. It was stinking. It didn’t even help that his mouth looked like the inside of an incinerator. Teeth black and brown like he licks ashes every morning or drinks charcoal milo (not choco milo). I had to tell him that I was okay with the tight seat just so he could stop. I even paid him immediately because the last thing I wanted was him asking for my fare directly to my face.

The rest of the journey was terrible because the seat was very tight and I couldn’t do anything about it because I’d already told the conductor that I was okay. There was a lady who even got into an argument with the guy sitting beside her because his elbow was always nudging her breast due to the way we were squeezed. My head was resting directly on the wall of the bus too so, anytime we hit a gallop on the road, I would hit my head on the bus, while the guy’s elbow would almost burst the woman’s breast. It was a tragic experience. The guy had to stand up just for peace to reign. Each time my head hit the bus, this was what it felt like…

My sitting position was just deformed. I was sitting like I was trying to dodge two punches at once. I got tired and told the driver to stop even though I wasn’t at my bus stop. I couldn’t take it anymore so I dropped from the bus with all my “drip” (sweat, spit and internal tears). I guess the bad experience god was trying to give me the January package at once. Well, I took a bike straight home cause I didn’t want to risk it again. So yeah, not your regular rainfall.

Speaking of bikes, what do you think of the new law banning bikes in some major places in Lagos? Good or bad? Drop your thoughts in the comment section let’s discuss.

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Nwanz View All →

Drinker with a writing problem.

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