Conductor, COVID and Commotion

Hey there. I’m sorry my posts have become less frequent, but you know that I really can’t pray that I get bad experiences­čśé. I was even grateful for the break. There have been things happening though, but nothing substantial enough for a story. We’re in a very troubling period with all the madness that’s happened this year and most especially with the Corona virus threatening the lives of everyone.

Entering buses this period has been really funny because a lot of Nigerians still think it’s a myth while some others think that a nose mask is all they need to be safe. People would distance themselves at bus stops only for them to start pushing each other when the buses arrive. It’s even worse inside the buses especially the ones I enter where they squeeze five passengers in a row. The bus would be so tight that if someone sneezes in front, you’d feel it at the back and bodies are so close together that if someone is sweating, he/she would be sweating directly on you. Other times, you could find your shoulder inside someone’s armpit and… (I’ll let the mental image take care of it).

It is always funny when someone sneezes or coughs in the bus and everyone just slowly moves away from the person. Public transport really is the hub of viruses and diseases if we’re being honest. Imagine being on the bus on a Monday morning, trying to focus on having a good week when the person behind you sneezes on your neck.

Well, today’s story isn’t about Corona though. I mean, Nigerians never needed Corona to misbehave. I was on my way to work on Monday and I took one of these small shuttle buses to Orile. There was a particular passenger who wanted to enter but was 50 naira short but the driver allowed him to enter. The driver was a little too extra with his driving and some of the passengers asked him to drive carefully. Just as the passengers finished talking to him, he tried overtaking a vehicle and we were almost hit by an incoming tanker. Like the tanker was VERY close. I was sitting by the window and the tanker’s headlights were close to my face. It was that close.

Everyone in the bus started raining insults on the bus driver. But for some weird reason, I was very calm even though I would have been the first to get crushed. One woman got down and said she wasn’t going again. The driver quickly went after her and we thought that he was young to apologise to her but we realised she only got down because she had reached her destination and wanted to leave without paying her fare. Even with the barrage of insults thrown at him, he didn’t forget to collect his money ­čśé. Woman was like…

He came back and met the insults he left behind. Remember the guy who didn’t have the complete fare? The driver told him to shut up else he would drop him by the side of the road. Silence. The insults continued still. One woman even said, “before you kill me, I will kill you”. I finally got to my bus stop and entered another bus going to CMS.

The CMS bus was cramped and it didn’t help that the man sitting beside me was “wide”. That’s the only way I can describe him. I was still trying to adjust my sitting position when someone behind me shouted, “praaaaaaiiiissseeeee the Lorrrrrrd”.

I was prepared to disembark at that very moment because I wasn’t ready to be baptised with saliva. A lot of these bus preachers preach with the entirety of their mouth. Everywhere would be moving. But I turned back and saw the woman wearing a nose mask and gloves and she wasn’t directly behind me so, I calmed down a little.

She started praying and when she got to the Corona part of her prayer, trust Nigerians to drop louder “Amens” and “yes Lords”. We got to one bus stop and the conductor realised that one guy who hadn’t paid was trying to force himself out of the bus. The conductor grabbed him and threw him back inside and was going to beat him up when the preacher said she would pay for him. Do you know that his guy asked the conductor for change? ­čśé He wanted to collect the preacher’s change. The woman just told him to go and give his life to christ.

The rest of the journey was just the preacher telling the driver and his conductor to give their lives to christ. The driver tried to convince us by quoting “love your neighbour as yourself” from the bible but no matter how he tried, he couldn’t get it right. Man was like

Happy to say I got to work in one piece. Please stay safe this period. Better still, stay indoors if you can. We’ll get through this together. Bless up.

We’re on Twitter @thetrafficinn. Remember to like and comment.


Nwanz View All →

Drinker with a writing problem.

1 Comment Leave a comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: