Most of my posts are about the madness displayed by drivers or conductors or agberos. But honestly, passengers play a big part in what goes on inside and outside the bus and some are even worse than you’d expect. Here they are:
1. The Talkative: these ones will talk from the beginning till the end of the journey. Sometimes they talk out loud for everyone in the bus to hear, or try to have conversations with whoever is unlucky enough to sit beside them. A lot of them think they are funny or knowledgeable and they try to impose their jokes or ideas on other passengers. If you find yourself beside one, locate the nearest headphones and try not to smile too much in order not to encourage them. Most of them don’t care though.
2. The Sleeper: most of us have slept, or have been sleepy inside the bus so don’t feel guilty. The sleepers I am talking about here are those ones that seem to have forgotten where they are. The ones that will drool on your body, the ones that bang their heads on the side of the bus, even the ones that go as far as snoring. Some rude ones will rest their heads on your chair and complain that you’re not letting them sleep well. I usually allow those ones to be comfortable enough to forget their bus stops. 😁
3. The Unchangeable Changers: this has nothing to do with prayers🤣🤣. These ones never have change, ever. Some conductors will scream that they don’t have change even more than they say their routes, but these knuckle heads will still enter 50 naira bus with 1000 naira and still be shouting at the conductor for change. Some conductors won’t even answer them and carry them past their stops because they don’t have change. These are the kinds of people the conductors combine to share the change together.
4. The Preachers: we all must have experienced these passengers. Their mission is to preach the good news in the bus whether you like it or not. In my personal experience, a lot of them are from The Lord’s Chosen Church or Mountain of Fire. You could be trying to gather your thoughts on a Monday morning and the next thing you hear directly behind you is “PRAAAAAAISSEEEEEE THE LORRRDDDDD”. If you’re lucky, the person can talk without spitting and actually gives an enjoyable sermon. I actually join in the prayers on most days. But they always preach against fornication so I… *coughs.
5. The Vendor: the sellers, the entrepreneur extraordinaire. I call them “staphylococcus aureus” people because once the person is selling medicines, the cure for staph has to be one of them especially if the person is Igbo. These days, it seems like staph is no longer in fashion so, it’s mostly diabetic and arthritic drugs and lest I forget, sexual enhancement drugs. Teeth drugs are upcoming too. These type of passengers are usually friends with most of the drivers because they enter back and forth and sell in every bus. If you’re unlucky, you’ll meet the ones that spit and you’ll bathe for the second time that day. This is one reason I love face masks cause now that they wear it, I don’t have to worry about that.
6. The Broken Compasses: this title is even generous because it even assumes they were compasses in the first place. These people never know where they are going to. Very clueless set of people that are always asking other passengers for the way to go. I’ve been in this situation a lot 🤣. Honestly, everyone is a broken compass depending on where you’re going to. I’d advise you, if you don’t know where you’re going, ask before entering any bus. The agberos at bus stops are usually the best to ask. I have seen a lot of people who spent their last money entering bus going in the wrong direction. Also, if you know the name of the bus stop but you don’t know what it looks like, just tell the conductor or someone beside you to remind you. Also keep reminding them to remind you lol. Or if you’re shy, go and sit beside the driver.
7. The Military and Paramilitary: these ones don’t pay transport fares. And they love the front seat, or the seats near the door. I always wondered why drivers always reserved seats for them especially since they don’t pay, but I realised that once they are in the bus, agberos don’t collect money from the drivers so, it is a wise investment especially when you consider how much they pay the agberos. On some days, the driver might run into a not-so-sober agbero who would want to take the money regardless and it’s always funny to see the officer trying to be tough, especially when it’s one fat policeman. 😫
8. The Munchers: oya catch your sub. I know we all have eaten in the bus at one point or the other, even if it’s just biscuit, soda, or even amala. There’s nothing that these hawkers don’t sell so, I don’t blame you. But there are people that take their munching to extremes. From bad table(bus) manners, to strong smelling food, to the ones that will be dropping food particles on your body. I remember the day one woman finished eating amala and was washing her hands outside the window and breeze blew the dirty water back on my face.
9. The Trucallers: these ones are always shouting over the phone. If they were the ones who called Adam in the garden of eden, he would have answered the first time. By the time they are done with their calls, you would have a comprehensive understanding of all that is going on in their lives, raw and uncut. I honestly don’t know how they do it because I really hate receiving calls in the bus but these ones will be screaming.
10. The Speed Police: “driver you wan kill us?”, “shey we go sleep for here?”, “call your conductor make we comot for here jare”. These people are always on the driver’s neck to slow down or move faster, depending on the situation. I normally encounter the ones that want to driver to move faster, especially since everyone in Lagos is usually in a hurry.
The best part of Lagos is that you can actually meet all these people in the same bus. I’m sure you’re wondering how the vendor and preacher can be in the same bus but I have experienced it personally. They agreed to share the duration of the journey into two and the vendor let the preacher go first. But the preacher was filled with so much holy spirit that he spent more than the agreed time and when he was done, we were almost at our destination. The vendor rained insults on him and I think the holy spirit left him because he replied with the same energy and more. The vendor said something along the lines of “God will punish you in Jesus’ name” and everyone was like…
Sometimes, you could meet one person that could be a combination of some of the types. Like one woman who got on the bus to Ikotun from Ota. She entered the bus and was making loud a** calls, after which she ate boli and groundnut, then slept off. Only for her to wake up and start asking for directions🤣.
Well, these are the types of passengers I could remember. I wish you well in all your public transport endeavors. Drop other types you’ve met in the comments with any experience you’ve had with them🙂.
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Drinker with a writing problem.