Hey, compliments of the season-ish. Trust you had a swell time indoors this holiday because Corona is outside. I knew it wouldn’t, but I hoped it would end with 2020. It not only followed us to the New Year, it had the audacity to do New Year, New Me (strain), but we move regardless. The Lagos State government has gotten stricter with their enforcement of COVID precautions. The arrests made in nightclubs really came as a shock to me. Talk about Panti after Party.
I really thought I would have a Detty December post to start the year with, but I hardly went out this holiday and when I did, I used cabs because the roads were traffic free due to the number of people who traveled and the closed companies. Let’s talk about that though… did the free roads scare you? Cause I was scared. I always expected the traffic to meet me somewhere…anywhere. A traffic free Lagos might be the 8th Wonder of the World. Damn, I might need therapy whenever I leave here.
I just wanted to talk about a few things I noticed on my first week of work after the holidays. The roads were free and I realised that even though I loved it, there are certain people who suffer when there is no traffic. People whose lives are connected to traffic and will lose if roads are free. They are:
1. Bus Drivers/Conductors: volume of traffic is directly proportional to transport fares so they usually take advantage of the traffic to charge higher than usual (I never understood this since they would still enter the traffic. Maybe it’s fuel money). Now, with the roads being free, they have to charge less especially because more buses are available because of free roads (high supply, low price). I paid about 3× lower than I normally pay to the island last week. Traffic is back this week lol.
2. Agberos: if you didn’t know before, Agberos normally charge bus drivers according to the amount they collect from passengers. It’s only in rare cases that there is a fixed amount payable. Hence, if drivers are charging less because of less traffic, agberos will be making less too.
3. Preachers: I remember being in the bus last week and a woman screamed “PRAAIIIISEEEE THE LORD”. I knew preaching was about to begin and I was gonna join in. Normally the sequence is, sing➡️pray➡️preach. So, this woman finished singing and wanted to start praying when the conductor shouted, “ALL PASSENGERS!” That was when we realised that we were at the bus stop and had to disembark with incomplete prayers. Who knows, she’d have prophesied in my life😭.
4. Bus Sellers: their case is similar to that of the preachers or even worse because even after advertising (preaching) about their product, they have to wait for people to buy the product. Imagine talking about your product for minutes, only for the bus to arrive at the bus stop just when, or before you conclude. What a waste of throat. It’s even harder for the people selling sex enhancement products because before people will conquer their shyness to admit they need help, trip has ended.
5. Road Safety/LASTMA/Police: a lot of us are aware that our police officers and LASTMA officials are more concerned with extorting drivers than actually maintaining order on the roads. They particularly take advantage of places with slow moving traffic or traffic lights. So, except if they are suicidal, they wouldn’t be found on traffic free roads where cars would be on high speed.
6. Hawkers: these are a big part of traffic in Lagos. The volume of hawkers on the road is synonymous to the volume of traffic. if you’re on 3rd Mainland Bridge and the hawkers come as far as the middle of the bridge to sell, just prepare to sleep there. Now, with the roads being free, they’ll sell less and gala mongers like me would also suffer. Eat before you leave your house.
7. And then there’s You. YOU CAN NOT USE TRAFFIC AS AN EXCUSE AGAIN
Drinker with a writing problem.